I haven’t transcribed the audio into text, and don’t know when (or if) I will.
More and more, I’m finding blogging is easier to do when I’m chatting into my little mp3 recorder, rather than writing a lengthy blog post. Mainly because I’m such a perfectionist and I read and re-read the post a hundred times, constantly tweaking (for hours or days) which means I don’t have much time for anything else!
So, I’ve made my what-to-write-the-first-book-about decision, within the fortnight deadline I set myself – just.
For my First Book, I’ve decided to go with the Fast and Easy (diary) option (see my last post for full details of all the options I was exploring).
My diaries are already written and there are lots of them. With luck, if you’re working with something you’ve already written, it should be fast and easy to create a book out of it – at least that is the hope!
The audio cuts off in the beginning – or rather I edited out the first bit. I was chatting away, as if to a friend, all free and easy. But when I listened back I thought, “Hang on, maybe I shouldn’t tell the whole world that“.
Not just yet anyway. I’m sure it will appear in one of my books further down the line š
How do you decide what your first book will be? Whether it’s non-fiction or fiction and whatever the genre, I believe the first book is one of these three types:
1. a Small Book
2. a Big Book
3. a Fast and Easy Book
Maybe you’ve already decided on what your first book will be ā three cheers for you! I thought I had decided too, several times. I had chosen a topic and started to work diligently, writing every day and loving every moment.
That is until I started doubting myself and my writing. Several times ā after years of work, I stopped writing my book and began another book, another story. Oh yes, that first story was a great idea, I said, but this one, now this is really it.
Another year or two, and the same thing happened. I lost heart, lost faith, lost trust in myself and the story I was writing. I thought I could improve my book, perhaps by adding another twist, another slant to it. How about if I tell the story from this personās perspective? How about if I have these two main characters. Oh, but shouldnāt I have just one main protagonist? So if there are two main characters, is my hero Jane or John? Or maybe I should write it this way instead?
To cut a long story short, from 2014 to late 2018, I started six Big Books and eight Little Books. You may think that’s not too long a time to be working on writing books. Yet I’ve wanted to make my living writing for longer than that.
I think if I pick up any one of my diaries I will find a reference to wanting to be a writer. I chose a diary at random today. It was in 1982 and I managed to get a chance to do some copywriting for an advertising agency. I’d written letters to every ad agency I could find. One agency responded and gave me a chance.
I thought I did a good job but it wasn’t good enough. They didn’t take me on. Probably just as well, as I don’t think I was cut out to be a copywriter.
Instead, I continued to write in my journals. I dreamed of turning my journals into stories but never did.
Around 2014 I bought Scrivener. Scrivener is a super-duper tool for organising your thoughts, and preparing your manuscript for publication. I was excited. Real authors were using Scrivener and now, so was I. I loved it and I loved writing each book I began (and didnāt finish).
The big books I wrote were all going to be a series, in at least three parts. The little books were short stories or ideas for future big books. Five years later of playing with wonderful Scrivener and having fun āWriting my first bookā, I lost heart and literally lost the plot. I was getting nowhere. Not in terms of finishing and publishing my first book anyway. I wanted to give up but somehow I couldn’t.
Now one thing I know is that you have to keep going at a project to succeed in it – and I did keep going. Because I donāt know many people who would plug away at something for five, twenty or forty years. Yes, friends, 1982 was nearly forty years ago.
Yet I know, that no matter how much effort you put into something and how much time and energy you spend, once you stop (letās say for more than a month), then all that previous effort is worth naught. If you donāt consistently tend to and nurture your project, then it all goes to pot. Or rather, the pot goes off the boil.
My problem is I have spent years writing big books and years writing little books but I have finished none of them. How the hell, I wondered, (fretted) am I going to finish and publish that first blasted book?
I wanted to get something published and I wanted to do it fast. Oh yes, and it must be easy, or as easy as possible. After mulling this over for a while I had an idea. One way, would be to write a book that is fast and easy to write.
How? A bit more pondering and this is what I came up with:
Idea number one:
Choose for the first book something that is already written. All that would need to be done would be to edit, rewrite or expand upon it.
For me, this could be my journals. For you, it might be poems that could be gathered together ā poems you’ve written over many years perhaps. Or that time you wrote poetry when you were in love. Maybe there is a great blog post, or an article or essay that could be expanded upon?
Idea number two:
Choose an activity you already love to do and document it. Something easy and enjoyable. Blog about it and then turn the blog posts into a book.
I liked the idea of blogging about my allotment garden. That way I could feed two birds with one bit of bread:
1. Feel okay about spending time getting the work done at my allotment and not feel guilty that I was gardening instead of writing, as itās all part of the same project.
2. This idea would mean having a topic to blog about and a topic to create a book around. I am still exploring this idea. Itās not a new idea. I just need to feel really enthusiastic about how it might work. Because in some ways it feels like Iām following my habitual pattern of starting another new First Book again. Again.
Of course, this blog is about the dilemma of getting from draft manuscript to published manuscript – and that could be a book in itself ā perhaps with entries taken directly from my journals, illustrating the angst of the writing and publishing journey ā and hopefully the joys!
Idea number three:
Choose something short. Hopefully, a short book is easier and faster to write (but I suspect this isnāt always true).
The shortest book Iāve come across was only about twenty pages and happened to be a book of poetry. Another book I read was more like a long chapter.
If you price your book as low as you can go, letting the reader know that it is a short book, then all should be fine.
Iām not too concerned with selling lots of copies at this stage. Whilst it would be wonderful for your short (first) book to go viral, as many lengthy blog posts have done, the main aim in my mind is to break that publishing duck.
That duck is āfinishing and publishing my first bookā. Getting that first book out is the aim. Equally, I don’t want to throw any old thing out there, I want to publish a book Iām proud of. If Iām getting real with myself though, I donāt expect the first book to be a bestseller.
That doesnāt mean I wouldnāt love it if it was!
Idea number four:
Choose to go incognito. Fear not ā use a pen name.
Fear stops everything in its tracks, including books. The biggest fear for me about publishing my first book is that it will be crap: everyone who sees it will hate it, criticise it, and me, and Iāll be a total laughing stock.
If I publish under a name that isnāt mine and the book is a flop, it doesnāt matter. I can use a new pen name for the second book ā which may do better. Or I could even use my own name if I feel brave or confident enough.
In this way, if the pen name books fail, the pen-name-person can disappear into the shadows with their failed book and live to fight another day. Hopefully re-emerging with another pen name (or their own) and a new brilliant and loved book.
I loved the idea of a Fast and Easy book and thought Iād come up with a workable idea, using something I had already written, my own journals. Never mind that Iām not a celebrity. Never mind that I havenāt been through a war or been imprisoned or had a life-threatening disease. Never mind that I donāt have some intricate and exciting tale to tell, because, I reasoned, isnāt an ordinary life ā or the real thoughts of an ordinary person, pretty interesting, in a fly-on-the-wall kind of way?
I thought so.Ā Ā I think so. The problem is, I donāt yet know so.Ā Ā The Not-Knowing causes self-doubt, procrastination and the changing of horses in the middle of the stream and this is something Tower of Power strongly advised against)Ā Ā https://youtu.be/3szJhsa9e0YĀ
Write the book you want to read
I like reading about other people’s lives. I like real. I donāt like gossip mags but I do love some reality t.v. I love real-life documentaries. I love honest, open, no-shame sharing. Memoir is my favourite genre. Reading Ann Frankās Diary when I was ten or eleven, moved me to begin keeping my own.
I have read some published diaries and thought, āIsnāt mine as interesting as this? Actually, isnāt mine more interesting than this?ā Samuel Pepys Diary, for example. Maybe I missed the good bits? Some say the only interesting bit was his entry about the Great Fire of London. The rest of the diary? Well, no offence Samuel, but zzzzzz.
For a while, the idea of publishing my (honest and real) diaries felt like a good one. Until those old friends chimed in again, my doubts.
āAre my diaries interesting to anyone but me?ā
The other question was, āWhere do I start?ā In nearly five decades of writing my diaries/journals, what day or year, out of all those years, do I start from? I still donāt know.
My journals are my biggest body of written work. There are so many stories within them. Which stories should I tell?
After much thought, I decided to just take a period of time, say three monthsā worth of entries, and simply publish them. Just do it. Get my diaries out there and see what happened.
Decision made, I set to work, typing and slightly editing my diaries, thinking, āIāll just cut out the really boring bitsā.
Then I thought, āHang on, how do I know whether this bit is boring? Maybe there are some golden nuggets of interest in my daily musings and ramblings?ā
I wondered some more. āPerhaps I should explain this bit more clearly? Or change everyoneās name? ā oh and the place names too, so no one recognises themselves. But what if they do recognise themselves? Will they be pissed off that I wrote that about them?ā
āI know, make it into fiction! So, itās not a real diary, just the fictional personās diary. If Iām writing fiction, I could spice things up, add in some more action and excitement. Make it more interesting.ā
āHow about if I choose some really old diaries and have my older wiser self, commenting on them ā like, I wish I knew then what I know now. Or: This is the advice I wish I could have given my younger self.”
Is that a good book idea?
Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe itās already been done. Dilemma. Indecision. Doubts and Fears. The writing stops again.
I thought, through simply publishing my diaries, that I had a Fast and Easy First Book idea. Now it seems it isnāt a good idea after all.
Now what? Go back to one of the big books and work on that again?
Sigh.
Whether itās a Big book, a Little book, or a Fast and Easy book, a decision must be made
I must look at the myriad of book ideas Iāve had over the last ten years and pick one. Preferably, once Iāve chosen, I will set myself a completion deadline. A deadline not too soon to get me into a panic, but not so far ahead that I can coast and procrastinate. Also, preferably, I must reveal the deadline date, publicly. (Oh God).
So now you know. This is where I am at, with the First Book, after all these years of trying.
Iāve yet to decide which book Iām now writing but I must decide. Iāll give myself a couple more weeks – no more. Iāll let you know as soon as Iāve come up with the answer. As soon as Iāve made That Decision.
Itās taken me days to write this blog post. I was dragging my heels as I donāt want to decide on something and change my mind again. Whatever I decide, I need to see it through. Apart from anything else, I donāt have many decades left!
Well, fellow writer and creative person, are you any further forward than me?
Have you decided on the topic of your first book?
Are you writing it yet? Iād love to hear about it.
If none of the above, I hope, having read this post, youāre now feeling better about your own creative projects and progress.
I recently moved to Nottinghamshire, after a lifetime in London. At the same time, Iāve taken on several new projects, all at once, and am beginning to feel slightly overwhelmed. As well as the project of moving into a new house and new county, my other projects include:
New Plot: rental of a plot of land from the local Council, the size of a small field, covered in couch grass and weeds, the roots of which go down several feet into the earth
New Book (my First): committing to focussing on, finishing and publishing my first book. This feels like I’m putting myself under pressure, as I’ve already tried to complete this for many years, without success.
New Website and Blog: a further commitment to publish my first book, through creating this new website and blogging about my book-writing journey, from draft to publication. Thereby putting myself under the cosh even more, by choosing to do all of this publicly.
My projects require a mixture of mental brainpower, together with plain old physical muscle and sweat of brow. I’m getting to grips with learning stuff I don’t know, including techy things such as the workings of WordPress and search engine optimisation – which is vital but not hugely inspiring or interesting to me if I’m honest,
Is there a way to stop the train? The Universe says Yes
Iāve been wondering to myself, have I taken on too much? This worrying feeling showed up recently, in one of my night-time dreams:
In the dream I was on a train with various people from my past. The train stopped and it was time for me to get off. Suddenly, one of my friends, who had lots of luggage, needed help with some stuff sheād dropped. Rather than get off the train, I felt I had to help her gather up her stuff. I knew this would mean the train might move off with me still on it and I was likely to miss my stop.
I said to the train driver, āExcuse me, can I ask you something?ā
He nodded, so I continued, āIs there a way to completely stop the train? You know, if you should ever really need to?ā
He gave me a look that said, āYou are joking?ā as he pointed to a massive red button on the trainās control panel.
The button was huge, how could I have missed that?
So I said, āAh yes. Of course.ā
Then I woke up.
And yes, it was obvious. If I wanted to stop, all I had to do was push the big red button, and stop.
The train seems to represent Where Iām Going. I wanted to get off the train but felt duty bound to help my friend with her stuff. The friend might even represent an aspect of me. The me who’s been trying to finish writing her book all these years and is wondering if it’s worth it and maybe I should just get off the train.
Staying on the train, for whatever reason may mean I’m On Board with my projects, and that I donāt want to Stop the Train, just yet. But what if I do want to stop further down the line? Can I do that?
Asking the Train Driver, was like my asking for reassurance from the Universe:
āHey Universe, I know Iām committed to all these things, but, if by any chance I needed to change my mind/back out/stop – is there any way I could actually do that?
As Iāve said, the Train Driver simply pointed to the big red button. He didnāt speak, but the look on his face seemed to say:
āYouāre kidding me? Just stop. Itās no skin off my nose.ā
It’s not just about me
So why the feeling of overwhelm and even, why am I feeling a little bit scared?
Ahh. Then I realised. It isnāt just about me.
Itās about readers. Itās about the readers Iām imagining may read my blog and read my book.
Somewhere out there (please God) are people who might read and enjoy my book. Or who might one day read my blog and, dare I hope, feel encouraged by it.
If it was just me I could merrily write for myself, and not share it online or anywhere else. The idea to do this publicly was because I hoped it would give me that spur – when you say to others you will do something you are more likely to do it.
Yet, I’d love to think that my blog or my book will help not just me, but others too. When they read about how long it’s taken me to finish my book, it might make them feel better. It might give them a spur too, to finish their book, or start a blog, or create a website, or create a product – but most of all, to trust themselves to do it and trust they will do it well.
The thought that it isn’t just about me, is both terrifying and encouraging. Knowing someone might be interested in the next stage of the story, helpsĀ meto keep writing. If I blog about my progress consistently, I’m more likely to achieve that goal of finishing and publishing my first book.Ā Ā
Thinking about it logically, I really donāt need to feel overwhelmed. I am the one who has chosen these projects. No one is forcing me to do any of it.
It’s early days for my blog. I have two people on my subscriber list. Two people who I would hope, have subscribed because they are interested in the topic of my blog. If I continue to blog regularly, maybe that list of two will grow.
Even two people signed up to your blog is a vote of confidence and means there is now expectation. It means you need to go on and write those blog posts and that book. And hey – I want to, I want to do this!
So on I go. I will continue to post on my blog and continue to allow myself to hope, that sharing my story might help others to share theirs.Ā Ā When I think of those others, I feel more incentive to keep going. It doesn’t matter whether this blog is helpful or just interesting – but I hope it’s one or the other!
Thank you my two subscribers. I appreciate you and your support. And just to let you know that for the moment, any thoughts about pressing that big red button have faded away.
There is an inspiring story about an American woman, Delana Jensen Close, who has recently indie-published her first novel, aged 95.Ā Ā Her book is called The Rock House and she started writing it in 1955. Yes, sixty-three years ago.
Wow! There is hope.
Delanaās book has its own Facebook page which features an excerpt. The protagonist, Abby, is in a fair amount of pain, giving birth to her baby . . . in the presence of a priest.
In the same way as birthing a baby, Delana said about her book, āIt had to come out.ā
Yes, and she spent sixty-three years getting it out.
I have no idea if Delana worked studiously, year after year writing her book, or whether it was in a dusty drawer for decades and she unearthed and reworked it.Ā
Whichever it was, I say, Well Done Delana!Ā Ā You have given thousands of first-time book writers hope.Ā Ā You have made me realise, it really isĀ never too late and age is justĀ a number.Ā Ā
I have not read Delana’s book, but the back cover blurb suggests the story line is potentially a good one.Ā Ā According to its Facebook page, The Rock House has even won a prize.Ā Ā
Delanaās story is inspiring. I wonder how many more first-time authors are in their seventies, eighties and nineties? (Maybe someone should do a survey?)
One other first-time author springs to mind: Mary Wesley, who in her seventies, wrote The Camomile Lawn.Ā Her book was so popular it was made into a t.v. series. Yet, in an article about Mary Wesley in The Guardian, way back in 2006, Gloria Glendinning said of Mary:Ā
She had been writing all her life for her own pleasure, but apart from two novels in the late 1960s, which did not make a mark, had always thrown away what she wrote.
Well Mary, we differ there. I cannot throw away anything Iāve written upon, even the back of an envelope!
By the way, Delana is currently working on her second and third books. Yes, aged ninety-six.
So, letās just end with a message to all aspiring first -time authors out there, including me:
Keep going! You can do it. It really is Never Too Late.
Are you working on your first book? How long have you been writing it?
If youāre already a published author, how long did it take you to write and publish your first book?Ā
Note: Just so you know, I first found Delana’s first-book-story atĀ www.dispatch.com. Although I was able to read Googleās snippet of the story, I couldnāt access www.dispatch.com’s full webpage, presumably because I live in the UK and not the USA.Ā Ā Ā Thankfully, author Lee Martin, had also shared Delanaās story online and I got more detail about it from his blog post.Ā Ā
There’s nothing like putting the word Writer after your name to completely paralyse and prevent you from writing another word, in my case the second blog post.
I’ve been puzzling over it for nearly three days, writing countless drafts and re-drafts, accompanied by much hand-wringing and I’m still no further forward.
Rather than struggle with it any longer, I shall simply share what I wrote in my journal this morning. I think it will do perfectly for my second blog post:
Extract from my journal:
Friday 8 March 2018
6.51am. Iām thinking of naming my second blog post āThe problem of writing the second blog postā. Does that describe it well enough though? I donāt think that heading conveys what Iāve been through for the last two days. Maybe I should add āand how that doesnāt even begin to describe the angst and stress of writing itā.
Maybe itās just me who has this second blog post issue? I can write in my journal with no problem. I love writing in my journal. But when I sit down to write a blog post it is so hard.
Thatās why Iāve spent two days on it ā long days, from 10.00am to 7.00pm solid. Both days. I squirreled myself away in my bedroom-come-office so I would have peace and quiet and could concentrate, so thereās no excuse there.
I drew four mind-maps and wrote lots of drafts, changing the blog topic at least three times and eventually felt I was done. To help myself edit, Iād read the thing aloud to myself and recorded it on Audacity. (I couldnāt find my little hand-held mp3 recorder).
When I listened back I felt quite pleased with it. I even laughed at one of my own jokes and at the end, choked up by what Iād written there. That was a good sign. I gave it to BF (my best friend) to read (and confirm that it was as good as I thought it was).
It was probably a mistake to ask her to read it whilst she was watching Crufts on t.v. but she agreed to read it in the break when the adverts came on. Thankfully, she turned down the sound.
I canāt remember what she said, but she didnāt say: Yes, thatās great!
I asked āIs it okay?ā and she said āYes. Itās okayā.
Two days Iād spent working on this blog post and it was just okay?
I felt like crap.
She started to say āIām sorry . . . ā, and I cut her off with āItās FINE!ā and we both knew it wasnāt fine.
Oh yes, she reminded me that Iād tried to blog before and about all that had gone wrong with that and why didnāt I just get on with writing the bloody book and stop distracting myself.
She said I should write the book before doing another blog.
I tried to explain, the whole point of the blog is Iām coming from the place of not being there yet. I havenāt finished the book and Iām still doing it. I said, āIām writing for people like me, who havenāt done it yet eitherā.
āWhy are you doing it for other people? Why arenāt you doing it for yourself?ā
āI AM doing it for myself, thatās the whole point. Writing the blog will help me finish the book and hopefully, help people like me, whoāve been trying for-EVER(!) to get their book out there. Or their blog. Or themselves . . . somehow. They havenāt done it yet either and like me they may have been trying for years, and I want to do it -now, and share how I do itā.
I knew what I meant but the more I tried to explain, the less she seemed to get me, until I wasnāt sure I got me either, or why I was doing it. She said I can best help others when Iāve done it myself, when my book is published.
āBut I want to do it with them!ā I said, getting more fired up, āNot be like some successful Writing Guru whoās already made it. Iām like them”.
I see her point. She’s watched me trying to do this for years. Itās a fine line between failure and success, between dreaming of publishing your book and actually doing it.
Creating my new website and blog isnāt just about the struggle to get the book done and out there. I donāt want it to be only about that. Iāve struggled for years already and Iāve had my fill of it. I want this to be about doing it now, not struggling. Succeeding. Publishing the book.
Feeling emotionally exhausted, I went out to the kitchen to make the evening meal. Thankfully, it was a meal I could do standing on my head, a simple veg chilli and rice.
I tried to calm down and salvage something from the wreckage. Maybe I could do an mp3 instead of a written blog post? I didnāt know where my mp3 talk-box was. I hadnāt been able to find it for weeks and yet when I opened the filing cabinet, I reached to the back and immediately put my hand on it. I turned the stove down to simmer and went upstairs with my talk-box.
BF was now watching Eastenders and I could hear the sound of it coming up from below. In the privacy of my bedroom, I had a kind of rant into my talk-box and felt better. Perhaps I could post that. Iām supposed to be sharing my experiences after all.
I pressed play to listen and it hadnāt recorded. Probably just as well. The battery was almost flat so maybe that was why. I did a ātesting testing 123ā and the gadget itself was fine. I decided to leave the blog post there for one day.
Having slept on it I am slightly clearer this morning. First of all, I was trying too hard. After all, if you create a website and put the word Writer after your name, youāre heaping on the pressure to write a halfway decent blog post each time.
I reminded myself that the whole idea of the blog was simple: to honestly share whatās going on for me in this whole writer-to-author journey.
Iām not saying the blog post I wrote wasnāt honest, but I think I was trying to make it too polished and perfect.
I want my blog to be real. I donāt need to write perfectly – but I still want to write well. All I really want, is to share and communicate. How I do that, doesnāt matter. Just because the blog is about writing a book doesnāt mean I have to write blog posts all the time. I could record some of the posts and link to some of the work Iāve already done.
A real writer. That just popped into my head. I want to be real, I want to come across as real. But this whole thing is also about becoming a Real Writer. Because unless I have a book, how can I call myself a real writer?
I need to publish a book. Thatās all there is to it.
So where does all this leave me? Only to say that Iām not surprised I struggled with the second blog post, Iāve done it before. I made a recording then too, saying how Iād struggled and here I am again.
I have to try and make this easier for myself otherwise I wonāt keep this up. Iāve thought of a few ways:
1. Write in my journal as I usually do, whilst trying to forget about writing a blog post. Iām doing this blog with People Like Me in mind, so why not write to them as I write to myself in my journal?
2. Wait at least a day, then read what Iāve written in my journal and see if I can share it in a blog post ā maybe slightly re-worked or, if Iām lucky, as it is.
3. Share my behind-the-scenes stuff, like mind-maps and what Iām studying, around blogging, book-writing and indie-publishing.
4. Use my talk-box to record a post. Unscripted, but with some ideas for what Iām going to share, written down on a piece of paper. Maybe just a word or two like āsecond post struggleā or āeasier in journalā. That way I keep it natural and speak freely as I would to a friend.
I like the talk-box idea because my blog readers will hear my voice. They will hear my expression and easily get the emphasis or meaning – without me having to put words into italics, or add exclamation marks and upper-case letters.
Talking should be easier than writing, plus the listener will get to know me more fully. I only have to think of people I listen to online. I prefer to listen to an audio now, than read a lengthy blog post.
Thatās another point ā length of blog post and time taken to read it. Perhaps I should try to keep my audio posts to about ten minutes maximum? Everyone is busy, they havenāt time. But isnāt it said by blogging experts that longer posts are good? Only if youāre not waffling about shite and boring the arse off people, Claire.
Is there anything else? No, I think that will do for today. Maybe I can just post this now and get on with my life. Until the next blog post.
My aim is to be light about all of this. I want it to be fun! Even if finishing the book is hard work, please let the blog be fun.
7.34am. I guess that will do for a second blog post. I wish I could just tell the story to my journal and not have the blog post in the back of my mind. But itās probably okay. It flowed out easily anyway, so I hope itās alright. Maybe I can get back to ProBloggerās blogging course now, Iām falling behind.
This blog is for writers like me, who have been writing their first book or wanting to share their creations, for many years, perhaps decades.
You have a deep desire to share your writing, alongside doubts and fears about putting your work out into the world. This has created a push-pull effect of getting nowhere fast.
Several times you have thought about giving up and may have tried. But the desire to create and share your creations wonāt go away. By now, you probably realise, that desire will never go away; itās the call of your soul.
Through this blog Iāll share my own (ongoing and current) emotional and practical, writer-to-author journey. My aim is to be upbeat and optimistic, fully focussed on the vision of the completed book, and how I overcome obstacles and blocks along the way.
I hope, through sharing my process and progress, from draft to publication, it will help you too, to finish and share your work, and yourself, with the world.