This blog is for writers like me, who have been writing their first book or wanting to share their creations, for many years, perhaps decades.
You have a deep desire to share your writing, alongside doubts and fears about putting your work out into the world. This has created a push-pull effect of getting nowhere fast.
Several times you have thought about giving up and may have tried. But the desire to create and share your creations won’t go away. By now, you probably realise, that desire will never go away; it’s the call of your soul.
Through this blog I’ll share my own (ongoing and current) emotional and practical, writer-to-author journey. My aim is to be upbeat and optimistic, fully focussed on the vision of the completed book, and how I overcome obstacles and blocks along the way.
I hope, through sharing my process and progress, from draft to publication, it will help you too, to finish and share your work, and yourself, with the world.
I wonder whether I can use this blog in a different way.
What if I pretend it’s just me? What if I write here as I write in my own personal journal.
What if I stop thinking about who might read this blog. What if I just share, as thoughts occur to me. Maybe that way, I will get everything done and the book will finally be finished and out there.
Okay, this a good start. No one is going to read this ClaireBear, just you.
I’ve wanted to come back here for a while but I was afraid, because it’s been so long. But here I am. And for today, these few words are enough.
Okay, that image could be a grasshopper, as I think crickets are brown. But I chose him for his personality – he has character.
Despite my silence, The Book is coming along well. In fact, it’s coming along better since I stopped blogging about it.
I’ve decided to maintain radio silence for a little longer and to focus on finishing it. I don’t think it’s wise to put a date on when I will be back to blogging. Perhaps other writers can write books and blog at the same time – I’ve discovered I cannot. It’s either one or the other and the book won.
One thing, that has taken a huge energetic weight off my shoulders lately, is unsubscribing from lots of mailing lists I’d signed up for. I even unsubscribed from people I liked (but who sent me lots of emails). I can always re-subscribe later. My in-box is much lighter now.
Right now, I need that radio silence more than ever. I need to focus on my own voice (in my head, and on the page), and get this book done once and for all.
Please feel free to zap me an email at any time, if you’re curious how I’m getting on. I’ll be happy to hear from you and will answer with an update. A blog post is one thing, an informal email is another. If you’ve ever blogged you’ll know what I mean!
I give thanks to all who’ve followed and supported me up to now. Thank you so much.
Love and blessings to you for the new year – and the new decade. Hope to see you in a few months (or so!)
ELIZABETH GILBERT: Writing is not like dancing or modelling. It’s not something where, if you missed it by age 19, you’re finished. It’s never too late. Your writing will only get better as you get older and wiser. If you write something beautiful and important, and the right person somehow discovers it, they will clear room for you on the bookshelves of the world – at any age. At least try.
TWO:
ANNE RICE: If you want to be a writer, write. Write and write and write. If you stop, start again. Save everything that you write. If you feel blocked, write through it, until you feel your creative juices flowing again. Write. Writing is what makes a writer, nothing more and nothing less.
Why have I been so quiet? It’s not that I haven’t been writing anything. Just not a recent blog post. Perhaps I didn’t think I had anything of (huge enough) interest to report?
Yet, even if I’d shared ‘I don’t feel I’ve anything of interest to report’, it would have been something. I’m supposed to be documenting my writing journey – and I haven’t been.
I asked myself why I wasn’t blogging: ‘What’s happening here, don’t you want to share your writing journey?’
‘Not always’, was the honest answer. Sometimes it feels too personal. I don’t always feel like putting my feelings, and naked vulnerability, out into internet-land. Conversely, there are also times when I want to share everything with the world!
Anyway, as you may have noticed, I’ve been going through a bit of a hermit-phase (as one friend so beautifully put it). But I haven’t stopped writing.
Where have I been writing? Mostly in my journal. Writing in my journal has been (pretty much) a daily practice since I was twelve.
Fast forward forty-eight years to the present day.
Apart from journaling, I have been busy transcribing thirteenyear old Claire’s earliest diary, with a view to it going into the book.
The question is, how much of my actual diary do I feature? All of it? Or just snippets? Do I add my current-day comments to what I find there? Or do I let the diary speak for itself? I’m still puzzling over those questions.
I know there are people out there who like reading (published!) diaries. I’m one of them. Diaries are so real and raw. So . . . human. And we are all human.
I like the kind of diaries that are free, honest and open, with a fair amount of soul-searching (and not too much complaining). Diaries that ponder the deeper meaning of life, not just record the daily trivia (although that too can be interesting, or amusing, at times). I hope my diaries are like that.
Some diaries are deathly boring. I hope my diaries are not like that.
I’m still figuring everything out and trying to answer the many book-related questions, buzzing around in my head. I’m confident I will figure it all out. In the meantime, I’m continuing to journal every day and to transcribe my oldest diaries.
I had an idea to feature my current diary alongside my earliest diary. After all, as I transcribe them, I’m also writing about the old diaries in my current journal, as things occur to me. I’m filling in some of the memories I didn’t write down – largely because, at age thirteen, I discovered my Dad had been reading my diary. Shock-horror. It took me a while to relax and write freely again.
If I publish the oldest, and the most current diary, alongside each other, it could be quite an interesting contrast. What I write in my journal now is very different to what I wrote at thirteen. I’d also like to think my writing has improved since then (wink).
Another question: Is my diary only interesting to me, or will it be interesting to others?
There is only one way to find out. Share it.
“But it isn’t ready to share yet!” I hurriedly cry. Just in case anyone rushes to volunteer as a beta reader. Rest assured, when that time comes, I will put the call out to a few friends, including (gulp) those interested folks who have signed up to this blog. (No pressure to actually be a beta reader though!)
I must say, sharing my diaries is not at all frightening to me, all the while I’m not sharing them. Once I come to share them – through my book or this blog, it may be a completely different story. (Cue opening bars of Beethoven’s 5th ).
Okay, time to end now, I think I have updated where I’m currently ‘at’. I’m sorry I was blog-absent for so many weeks. I am considering doing a blog post update, once a month. Please let me know if you’d like to hear from me more often. Thanks for sticking with me so far, I really appreciate it.
I took my breakfast out into the garden and chose a spot under the magnolia tree, in the shade. I gazed all around, munching my cornflakes, enjoying the garden.
A wood pigeon was busy, hunting for single twigs on our lawn. She’d find one then fly up, almost vertically, to the evergreen tree. A quick look around to make sure no one was watching, then she sidled along the branch and disappeared into the foliage.
This procedure was repeated over and over, as she built her nest, twig by twig. Once, she landed on a branch and realised that this branch was not the one that led to her nest. She tilted her head, shifted her gaze, and quickly identified the correct branch and flew to it. I can’t imagine she would ever be lost or confused, for long.
I want to be that pigeon. I want to know immediately if I am on the wrong branch and to speedily identify where my correct branch is. And I think I’m beginning to do that now. I’m making a point of reviewing as I go.
It’s important to track our dream’s progress and where we are on our path to it. Not in the way of impatiently asking, ‘How much longer is this going to take?’
Now, for me, it’s more about being clear on what I’m doing and how I’m doing it. I’m asking myself questions, almost daily, as a reminder to keep myself on track. Questions like:
What book am I writing?
Why am I writing it?
Why do I want to publish it?
Am I still taking the appropriate action to progress the book?
What’s the next step?
I’m doing this because I don’t want to waste any more time. It takes not just time, but sustained effort, to gather all these twigs to build a nest. I want to make sure I’m always on the right branch, building the right nest.
One twig seems like nothing, yet if you keep at it, collecting and carefully placing those twigs, the nest will eventually be built.
I watched that pigeon for a long time. She was relentless in her work and yet she was not hurrying or panicking. I’m pretty sure she wasn’t worrying about how long it was taking her. She simply did what she needed to do, slowly and methodically, certain the nest would be ready, in time for her eggs.
Like Mrs Pigeon, I am working with my diaries, editing and re-writing, one day at a time and one month at a time. Slowly but surely, I’m building my book. I hope, if I continue to focus and take it steady, my book will one day be ready. Completed, in perfect time.
In my last post I revealed how I’m trying a new process or habit, to help me write my book. Simply, I’m committing to working on my book for a teeny tiny period of time each day.
A tiny commitment
What time period did I choose to commit to? Just 10 minutes. I know, it sounds ridiculous. Ten minutes a day is nothing. Exactly! The reason I chose such a tiny amount of time is because it is so easy to do.
I set an alarm that goes off after 10 minutes of writing time – it has a lovely, uplifting chime. When I hear that chime, my writing work for the day is done.
Of course, after 10 minutes, I’m usually in the writing-flow and want to do another 10 minutes. That is what happened on the first day. I did 40 minutes of writing in total.
A week of 10-minute commitments – summary:
Tuesday: Wrote for 10 minutes. It was easy and it flowed, so I continued.
Total writing time: 40 minutes
Wednesday: Similar feeling of flow and wanting to continue.
Total writing time: 70 minutes.
Thursday: The writing flowed again.
Total writing time: 90 minutes
Friday: It was a struggle to do 10 minutes. I spent most of the time cutting out great swathes of stuff I’d written previously.
Total writing time: 10 minutes
Saturday: I wrote nothing.
Sunday: I didn’t feel like doing it. I told myself I only had to write for 10 minutes, and anyone can do 10 minutes, so I did.
Total writing time: 40 minutes.
10-minute sessions add up
So far, I make that 25 slots of 10 minutes. This equates to 250 minutes, or about four and a quarter hours of book-writing in a week – with little effort and no overwhelm.
Monday: After days of endless rain there was a dry-weather window, so I spent the afternoon at my allotment. Deeply satisfying.
Later, instead of my book, I worked for several hours on this blog post (too long, methinks, but equally satisfying). Then I left the blog post overnight to percolate.
So, zero book writing time on Monday.
Today: I cut this blog post by three quarters, leaving a quarter remaining. (I must get better at writing shorter blog posts).
So far today, I’ve spent 20 minutes working on my book and may do more writing later. The thing is, I’ve achieved double my 10-minute commitment and that is a cause to celebrate and feel good about myself.
Keep it going
I know it’s important to keep the energy going, of any project that’s dear to our hearts, to engage with it and give it our energy.
I also know that starting a writing session, whether for blog or book, is the hardest part – hence the tiny 10-minute writing time commitment. However, once started and the momentum is going, it’s easier to keep going.
Once that happens, you can see progress and everything feels easier. You feel like you’re getting somewhere and that you are in control of the process. With that, comes a feeling of increased self-esteem, satisfaction and confidence.
And don’t we all want that?
Take breaks and enjoy!
To sum up, I think this new practice is working for me. The only mistake I made, was trying to increase my time commitment too soon – and I forgot to take short breaks. This created a slump on Day 5. Lesson learned.
So, enjoy your creative projects. May you have time for all of the things that give you joy, satisfaction, and increased self-esteem. 🙂
Note: Thanks to Joseph Michael for his course, Writer’s Block Relief, and the ideas he outlined there. Taking his course shifted my first-book-writing stumbling blocks. The teeny tiny time-block commitments were just one idea in the course that I’m finding valuable – and liberating.
When your biggest and longest-held (lifelong) dream and goal has not come to fruition, but you’re still trying, how do you feel?
When you remember each morning that you still haven’t achieved your longest-held (lifelong) dream and goal, how do you feel?
I will tell you.
Yucky.
Only, that is, if you allow yourself to get carried away on a wave of despair. Some days you might feel despondent, scared, or worse, we all do. Don’t give up.
I’ve been through a little stuck-patch, but I’m not allowing myself to go down that road of doom and gloom.
We all feel scared at times and despondent. The trick is, to nip it in the bud before it runs away with itself and takes you with it.
On a Down Day, I always know an Up Day is on the horizon. The new day will dawn, I’ll wake up, get out of bed and start again. I will read what I’ve previously written (feeling pleased that it’s better than I remember) and continue writing and editing my book.
I keep my faith, my hope and my optimism going. I trust myself and bolster my belief in my ability to complete the task. The task I set myself; remembering, that no one else set it for me, this task of writing, finishing and publishing a book.
Lately, it has been a little difficult.
– I stopped working on my book.
– I stopped blogging about working on my book.
However:
– I continued to write daily in my journal, as I always love to do (and it’s always easy).
– I worked on other (easier) creative projects, to keep my spirits up.
– I bought a course on Writer’s Block.
I must tell you, I do not have writer’s block and never have. I can always write and do it every day.
What I do have is first-book-writer’s-block. I also have blog-writer’s-block. I’m hoping both of these are a thing of the past – since my Writer’s Block course, because I have new strategies.
The course I took is called Writer’s Block Relief, by Joseph Michael. It gave me some new techniques, tips and tools to try. It also gave me renewed hope.
Using what I’ve learned in the course, I’ve decided to take a different tack:
For the next week, I will work on my book and my blog, every day.
Each day, I will focus on turning up for the process and will not focus on results. (Not yet anyway).
At the end of this week, I will then review my writing progress.
I don’t think it’s fair to Joseph Michael to reveal everything I learned on his Writer’s Block Relief course. But I will say, that I’ve learned enough to feel a real shift. Wonder of Wonders, I am champing at the bit to get back to writing the book!
My main takeaway from the course means that I will approach my writing time differently. My commitment to writing both book and blog will be for a teeny, tiny period of time, each day. I will then celebrate and reward myself for that achievement, and my success in showing up. If I want to spend more time working on my book or blog, (beyond the daily time period I’ve set and committed to) that is fine.
I’m choosing to focus on what I am getting done, what I am achieving and on the progress I am making. No longer am I focussing on what isn’t yet done (as I started to do at the beginning of this post).
Okay, so the book, the project, the life’s work isn’t yet completed. So what! If progress is being made and you’re enjoying the process – hoorah! Cheer yourself on.
Previously, my book and blog-writing pattern had been a hard slog, working over long, unbroken periods, followed by the need for a complete break from writing. Working too long and hard without breaks, meant enthusiasm and inspiration faded, and the creative well ran dry.
Not any longer!
I’m starting my new (less is more) writing process today. I’ll let you know after seven days of using this new tactic, how I get on. It has to beat spending a whole day, sometimes two, trying to write one paltry blog post. I will never write for long periods, without a break, ever again. Unless I’m in effortless flow of course!
I realise that I will work better, incorporating scheduled breaks into my working week – at regular intervals throughout the day. This will keep my energy fresh and my mind clear. All I need to do then, is be open, receive the inspiration and write it down.
It feels so good to be back on track. I’ll let you know how I get on with this new way of working. Am hoping to prove, that in doing less, I will accomplish more.
Regarding my book-writing progress, I wasn’t feeling hopeful at all these last ten days. I also knew I was due to write a blog post but didn’t know what to write. I tried not to panic about not knowing, as five more days went by.
Gardening is one of the things that soothes my soul (makes the world brighter) and gets me back into balance. So I decided to stop worrying about writing today and visit my allotment plot.
(For those who don’t know, a plot is an allotted piece of land rented from the local Council. Its purpose is to grow vegetables and fruit, and some flowers, if you wish).
I spent several hours working on my plot and felt so much better. I dug in the dirt, weeded, hoed, stretched every muscle, erected bamboo cane supports and planted some runner bean seeds. The seeds were very easy to push into the fine soil. I patted them down lovingly and watered them in.
When I got home I had a long soak in a bubble bath. Then I read an old diary entry from last May, where I had written an outline plot for my book and sketched out the three acts. I was surprised by (and liked) what I’d written.
“Hey, maybe this bookof mine is okay after all?”
I had started to feel more hopeful.
Then I sat down at my desk, turned on the fairy lights and wrote this blog post.
Having felt despondent for over a week, feeling I wasn’t getting anywhere fast – either at my allotment plot, or with my book writing, I realised my despondency was just a state of mind.
Gardening had eased my troubled mind. I’m doing fine after all – and so too (I think) are both plots. 😉
I’ve started transcribing my earliest diary (1972) and I’ve also transcribed a notebook, that was really an Autograph book, from 1966 (I was six).
I remember asking all my family, and anyone else who came to the house, to write something in my autograph book. No one wanted to write more than their name:
“It’s an Autograph book, you’re only supposed to write your name.”
“I know, but can you write something else as well?”
“But it’s an autograph book. You’re not meant to write anything else .”
“I know! Write something else. Pleeeease.”
“Like what?”
“Something else. Just write something.”
After much pleading and persuading from me, most people had a stab at writing something, other than just their name.
My Mum wrote:
By hook or by crook, I’ll be first in this book.
“Is that all?” I asked, “Can’t you write something else?”
“It’s supposed to be short. It’s a rhyme. I’m saying, I’m the first in the book. That’s it.”
“Can you write something else?”
“No, that’s it.”
It was Christmas. My Dad’s friend John Kenny was visiting us. He wrote:
May you have many more happy Christmas days.
Well, I was only six years old, so I would hope so.
My sister wrote:
Laugh and the world will laugh with you, Cry and you will cry alone.
I didn’t understand it. I asked my Mum, who explained it to me, then I did understand it. Why wasn’t anyone writing happy things in my book?
Next my Aunty Sheila:
Little Willie in the best of sashes
Fell in the fire and was burnt to ashes
By and by the room grew chilly
But no one liked to poke Poor Willy.
“So, he fell in the fire? And was burnt?
Why?
Why didn’t they want to poke him?”
To me, poke meant prod. I didn’t know it meant stoking a fire. It was a sad story and I didn’t see the humour in it, at all. I just wished someone would write something jolly in my book.
On the next page I had drawn a tower block (I lived in a block of flats). At first, it appears that the building is on fire, with me in it – and, like a time-lapse photo, I’m in three different places. I know it’s me, as I’ve written the words ME and drawn arrows, pointing at all three people. I’m waving out of two of the windows and a chimney pot, with a camera in my hand.
Looking more closely, I realise the building is not on fire. What I thought were curling flames seems to be a winding route, or path, from ground level to chimney. Or it could possibly be a Rapunzel-like rope.
Far below, on a path leading from the block of flats, are people with guns in their hands, taking aim at something. Along the paths are other people, all with one leg raised high, at right-angles to their bodies. They are either dancing, running, or goose-stepping.
I think around this time I was watching The Man from Uncle on t.v. I also think this was my first Story Board.
The camera might be from a spy briefcase set we had. It was probably plastic, but the camera worked. However, from what I remember, I think I mostly took photos of drain covers and pigeons.
My Nanny wrote:
I slept and I dreamt that life was beauty.
I woke and I found that life was duty.
And that was the last time I ever asked anyone to write in my autograph book. I just wrote in it myself and drew pictures.
I’d love to hear how your projects are coming along. Simply hit reply to one of my emails, or use the contact form here.
Please listen to the audio below – this tells you exactly where I am at, in my Book One project.
I junked a long blog post (that had taken me days to write) and replaced it with this more open and real update.
Much Love to you!
click on the little triangle to play the audio
I’ve added the transcription to the audio below. However, if you listen, rather than read, you will get the full experience. You’ll hear my laugh, verging on hysteria, until (at the end) I calm myself down and try to look on the bright side (positive-optimistic-person that I try to be) ;-)
Transcription of Audio:
Hello there, it’s Claire Gillen, I’m not sure whether I’m going to send this out as an audio blog post or not. I’ve come up to my room. I have all my earliest diaries, spread out in front of me on the floor. I’ve been trying to put them into date order and I realise what a huge task it is, the idea that I had, to somehow document my whole life via my diaries.
My main task is obviously to get the first book out and it was going to be, what I thought was a Fast and Easy book. And (that Fast and Easy book) would be, perhaps my very earliest diary, just transcribed with my comments alongside. And I’ve done that. And I’m not happy with it! I wrote a very long blog post – and I’m not happy with that either . . . and an audio to go with it – and I’m not happy with that either. So, I’m now a little bit . . . kind of stuck. That’s exactly where I am at the moment.
(I then had to briefly pause the audio, to gather my thoughts and unstick my brain, in order to continue).
I’ve been thrashing this out with someone who knows me very well and I’ve been trying to explain myself to her. Basically, I was saying that this whole thing, of putting my diaries into written form and publishing them, has been something that I have wanted to do, all my life, virtually.
I suppose I (initially) got the idea in the early 80’s or late 70’s – Look! Where are we now?!
And there’s a reason for that, there’s a reason why this idea won’t go away. I need to get this honest stuff out there.
I do not want to write fiction. I don’t want to, necessarily this time around, make Fiction out of my diaries and add to them. I want them as they are.
But as I say, I’m looking at them here. They’re all over the floor. I’ve put little post-it notes on every single one with, dates and months and I’m . . . I’m boggled. I’m totally boggled.
So yeah, so that’s my Progress Update at the moment, and I’m sorry it isn’t more positive.
I wanted the first book to be Fast and Easy, I wanted to get something out there, just to get something published and start the ball rolling really, get the first step on the ladder.
Um . . . but I suppose I’m too much of a blasted perfectionist and I want it to be amazing and I want to be, you know, happy with what I put out.
I’m too . . . I over-complicate things. I start with a simple idea then I over-complicate it. Anyway! Look! I’m fed up with this (laughter on the verge of hysteria) – I just needed to get this out. And look, that is where I am at the moment.
So, Angst-Ridden-Claire . . .
I will figure it out. I will figure it out. I’m gonna sleep on this, and I know in the morning, it will be clearer. And I think I will see the way forward. At the moment, I’m feeling very frustrated and annoyed. But I know, I will see the way forward, after a good night’s sleep.
So, I’m leaving it there. As I say, this started to be a long written post and a long audio post and this is all it is (now), just an audio post. But anyway, lots of love. Good Luck! . . . with whatever you’re doing, and I send good luck to myself as well, and I shall pick this up in the morning. Okay, bye for now. Bye!
